The Jet's Annual States Predictions

The Jet has long been lauded for his eloquent prose, his splendid diction, and his ability to tap into the human soul via written word.  Beings galaxy-wide and far beyond have celebrated his florid scripture for centuries.  

Lately, though, people aren't in the mood to celebrate.  They'd much rather gripe and fault-find.  Take a look at the following small sampling of gripes the Jet has received via email just in the last few months:

Hello there Jet, it's not fair that Faith Christian, a team comprised of recruited 17-year old freshmen, gets to compete against teams with rosters limited by school district boundaries.  Would you suggest that I complain about it every chance I get on a wrestling forum? Can you talk to the PIAA?

What up Jet?  And what's up with that Joe and Glenn broadcast team?  Who's play-by-play and who's color?  Could they maybe figure out their roles for next season?  I see Glenn as the wacky Madden-esque color to Joe's straight man play-by-play.

Wazzzuppp Jetski, why do my apostrophes and dashes still turn into a string of Greek hieroglyphics when I post to the forum from my phone?  Do you think you could convince Mike to finally get around to fixing that glitch one of these days?

Hiya Jet, is there anything worse than sitting next to obnoxious Council Rock South fans at a tournament?  I don't know what's worse, their incessant clamoring for stalling calls or the fact that the refs seem to be influenced by their jeers.

Yo Jet, what the hell are the high school out of bounds rules?  It doesn't seem like any refs or coaches know, so I thought if there's one person who could clear it up, it'd be the Jet.

hey jet 2 many wrds 4 me

jet < wrds

jet, no like rd

jet u write 2 much

jet u being xtra

jet ur writing sux, 2 long

As you can see, dear reader, a trend emerged, and the Jet realized he had committed a violation. The Jet had been writing War and Peace for a generation that has the attention span of a gnat.  He had been forcing Ulysses upon a group that wants information in 150 characters and 15-second clips.  The Jet had become egregiously self-indulgent. The Jet had forgotten his loyal audience.  Well, no longer.  The Jet has heard you, feeble-minded Millennials and Gen-Z'ers.  The Jet will be pandering to your mushy brains and non-existent intellect.  The Jet will be limiting his analysis for each weight class to 17 syllables.

Now await, devoted reader, and see how much analysis the Jet can pack into a haiku, written to be consumed by someone, at a glance, while they simultaneously scroll through MySpace, watch Stranger Things, and care for an infant.